


The Dinner

by HPFanGirl99



Series: The Dinner [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 04:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18612904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFanGirl99/pseuds/HPFanGirl99
Summary: All Bruce wanted to do was meet his children's boyfriends and give them the shovel talk. Dick, Jason, and Tim aren't going to pass up the chance to pull the prank of the century on Bruce. Enter supervillains stage left. Bruce isn't going to know what hit him.





	The Dinner

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Ужин](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20096431) by [fandom_DC_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_DC_2019/pseuds/fandom_DC_2019), [KisVani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KisVani/pseuds/KisVani)



> This takes place shortly after Batman is rescued from being trapped in time. It takes place completely in Bruce’s POV.
> 
> Ok, so this is totally an excuse for me to use all three of my OTPs together. I got the idea a while ago, and it snowballed into a 6,000+ word fic. Crazy how that works. I’ve got a few behind the scenes stories in the works; such as the planning that went on before the dinner, and the conversation at Titans Tower afterward. I'm going to try to finish those up soon, but don't hold your breath.
> 
> I'm actually proud of myself, this is the first fic I've managed to finish. I have a lot of fics that are partially written/abandoned that I really should be working on.
> 
> Enjoy.

“So” Bruce trailed off, looking at his 4 sons gathering around the kitchen table. “Are you guys seeing anyone?” He nervously watched as Dick, Jason, and Tim glanced at each other before they all nodded.

A smile curled his lips, his eyes softening. “Perhaps you could bring them over for dinner?”

Dick’s eyes gleamed in amusement. “You just want to give them the shotgun talk, don’t you?”

Bruce smirked. “Maybe” he drawled before becoming serious. “I’ve lost so much time with you guys” he rolled his eyes at the snickers that accompanied the statement “and I want to make up for it.” He watched nervously as the 3 of them glanced at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes before they turned to him.

“Sure. When would you like to do it?” Tim said, smiling ever so slightly.

Bruce frowned in though, pensive. “How about Friday night?” Today was Sunday, it would give him a few days to mentally prepare himself for the ordeal.

Jason tilted his head ever so slightly, before nodding. “Sounds like a good idea. We can come with them.”

Bruce pursed his lips worriedly. “Do they...” he trailed off.

Tim immediately picked up his train of thought. “...know who we are? Yeah, they do.” Bruce let out a relieved sigh, if his kids had been dating someone who didn’t know their civilian identities, that would cause a whole slew of problems.

“Then that’s settled. I’ll bring Selina with me as my date,” he said cheerfully. “You guys ready to go on patrol together for the first time since I’ve returned?” Bruce chuckled when his sons grinned at each other.

“The last one to the Batcave is a rotten egg!” Dick cried out, jumping over the table and racing towards the clock, letting out a whoop of laughter. Bruce’s eyes softened when the other 3 immediately sprang out of their chairs, racing after Dick, giggles coming from at least 1 of them.

\-------

Bruce sat in his armchair, nervous beyond belief. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that his boys were starting to grow up and were _dating_. It seemed like just yesterday that they were young boys running around the manor. Well, Bruce wryly thought, at least Damian isn’t seeing anyone. _Then_ he’d be extremely upset.

Speaking of Damian, he had begged out of coming to the dinner, seems to be on edge about something. Bruce had been suspicious but reluctantly agreed, and Damian was ‘relaxing’ with Stephanie and Cassandra at the latter’s house. Alfred had pointed out that it was probably for the best since things might get a little tense and Damian didn’t need to see it.

A small sigh came from behind him. “Relax, Bruce” Selina sounded exasperated. Since his sons were bringing over their dates, he had asked Selina to join them as his date.

Bruce frowned this thought racing. He couldn’t help but wonder who his sons were dating. He figured they were probably either current/past members of the Teen Titans.

He startled when Alfred came into the room, looking faintly amused by his anxiety. “Master Timothy and his guest have arrived.” Bruce clutched the arms of the chair in anxiousness. God damn it. He was fucking _Batman_ , yet he was nervous over meeting the people his children were dating.

Tim had to be dating Superboy, Bruce decided. Considering Tim had tried to clone Conner after the Kryptonian had died, he had assumed there was more than just friendship between them. Of course, a lot of Tim’s friends and family had died around that time including himself, so it could’ve been a natural grief reaction, but Bruce had his doubts. Trying to clone Conner once or twice, sure, but 99 times? It was the actions of someone driven mad over the loss of a loved one.

After a few seconds, 2 pairs of footsteps clicked down the hallway towards the living room. He could make out the soft voices of Tim and someone that sounded vaguely familiar conversing between themselves.

He froze in shock when Tim came into the living room, on the arm of Ra’s al Ghul. _What the hell?_ He discretely pinched his leg, and minutely winced at the pain. Ok, so he wasn’t hallucinating. Tim and Ra’s, who were wrapped up in a conversation about a book, didn’t seem to notice his presence.

His keen eyes took note of how Ra’s had offered Tim his arm as if he was escorting a lady. Ok, that’s good, Bruce thought. He knew that Ra’s prided himself on being a ‘gentleman’ and was relieved that he was at least acting like one. Of course, it could be a front that Ra’s was putting up, but he sincerely doubted it.

Bruce stood up on slightly shaky legs and lightly cleared his throat, causing them both to startle.

“Detective. It’s wonderful to see you again” Ra’s softly said, looking pleased.

Bruce frantically looked between the two, his horror growing as he started to consider the logistics of Tim and Ra’s being together.

Ok, so he could _somewhat_ excuse the fact that Ra’s al Ghul was an eco-terrorist who was trying to kill most of the population in his twisted attempts to save the Earth. Considering he was currently dating Catwoman and had conceived a child with Talia; he would be a hypocrite to condemn their relationship based upon hero/villain status.

No, the thing that disgusted him was the age difference. While Ra’s looked to be about 40-50, he knew the man was hundreds of years old; while Tim was what, 18-19 years old? Were they having...?

He was pulled from his thoughts by a small chuckle. Ra’s had an extremely amused look on his face, while Tim looked faintly nervous. “How...” Bruce choked out, his eyes wide.

Tim gave him a hesitant smile, leaning into Ra’s side ever so slightly. “Everyone said I was insane when I said you were alive, so I went on a quest to find proof. Ra’s was the only one who believed me, so I rather reluctantly entered into an alliance with him. We...ah...” Tim coughed, his face going faintly pink.

To Bruce’s surprise, Ra’s eyes softened, and he didn’t think he’d ever seen such a caring expression on Ra’s face before. “We became very close during our time together.”

Bruce ran a hand through his hair. Alright, that made complete sense. Tim had been distraught with grief at his ‘death’ and upset that nobody believed him; therefore, he would’ve clung onto the first person who told him that they thought he wasn’t delusional.

Bruce grimaced ever so slightly. He was fully aware of Ra’s al Ghul’s interest in Tim from the first time the two had met several years ago. Luckily, it had only been for Tim’s intellect at first. When had it turned sexual? He desperately hoped that Ra’s hadn’t been lusting over Tim any time before he had donned the Red Robin suit. At least Tim had turned of age before he had gotten lost in time, thank god for small favors.

Ra’s looked him briefly, a small smirk on his face and a challenging look in his eyes before he swept Tim into a kiss. Almost immediately, Tim stiffened, looking uncomfortable as he blushed furiously.

Bruce's eyes narrowed, knowing this was Ra’s way of showing off that Tim was his. However, he felt a surge of suspicion at Tim’s reaction. If they’d been doing various _activities_ for a while now, Tim shouldn’t be this uncomfortable at being kissed.

After a few seconds, Ra’s ended the kiss, and Tim immediately pushed him away. “Ra’s! Not in front of Bruce!” Tim hissed, looking embarrassed. All suspicion disappeared from his mind as Bruce realized what was going on. Tim was never one for public displays of affection, especially in front of family members.

“My apologies, Beloved. I couldn’t help myself.” Ra’s didn’t look too apologetic. “Allow me to make it up to you later?” he cooed into Tim’s ear, just loud enough that Bruce could hear him.

“Ra’s!” Tim shrieked, looking even more mortified than before.

Ra’s chuckled in amusement. “Oh, Beloved. It is too much fun to tease you.”

Bruce watched incredulously as Tim pouted ever so slightly, to which Ra’s soothingly brushed his fingers through Tim’s hair, before tugging them onto the couch. He watched with hawk-like eyes as Ra’s rested an arm around Tim’s shoulders, while his other hand remained by his side. Good.

Bruce collapsed rather ungracefully back into the chair, burying his head in his hands. He massaged his temples in frustration. Of all the people Tim could’ve chosen to be with, he picked _Ra’s al Ghul_? He thought Tim had better taste and standards than that.

He felt slim fingers stroke his hair, and he leaned into the touch. “Relax Bruce, it could be worse,” Selina whispered in his ear. Bruce let out a small sigh, knowing she was right.

\-------

After a bit, Alfred came back into the living room. “Master Richard and his date have arrived.”

Bruce felt even more wary, wondering who Dick would walk into the room with. He knew Dick normally didn’t get back together with his ex’s; so, he should be able to check Oracle, Huntress, Starfire, Raven, Artemis, Zatanna, and Arsenal off the list. And those were the ones he _knew_ about. Jesus Christ, had Dick slept with half of the Teen Titans at one point? Well, at least he should be grateful Dick only stuck to the teenagers, instead of any of the older Justice League members. _Then_ he would be having problems.

Wait, hadn’t he seen Dick be friendlier than normal with Kid Flash the last time he saw them? Dick had always had a thing for redheads, considering his longest romances were with Oracle and Starfire. Perhaps Dick and Wally were dating.

Bruce morbidly wondered how long they were going to last. One to two months? Dick’s track record when it came to relationships wasn’t the best. Ironically, Nightwing was more like Bruce Wayne in terms of relationships, always seen on the arm of someone new practically every night. Now _that_ wasn’t something to be repeated in Dick’s presence unless he wanted to piss off Dick.

He clenched his fists, mentally bracing himself for the inevitable show. Dick had a rather annoying tendency to be very physical with his partners whenever he was around. Unfortunately, he had a feeling Dick would be turning up the affection levels to the maximum level in an attempt to throw him off guard.

Bruce let out a tired sigh, before setting out to find Dick and his date himself. He had a feeling they would get distracted along the way to the living room. He made his way towards the garage and was met halfway there with the sight of a somewhat familiar looking man grinding Dick against the wall.

He waited a few seconds, and when it was obvious that they weren’t about to stop anytime soon, he loudly cleared his throat.

The two of them jumped ever so slightly, both turning to look at him. Bruce let out a mental groan of exasperation when he realized it was Slade Wilson.

He knew full well of the tension that had existed between Deathstroke and Nightwing for years. A small part of him was curious as to when they had finally decided to start channeling the anger between them into activities other than battling on the rooftops. The bigger part of him, that was a father, really didn’t want to know how long the two of them had been having sex for.

“Hello, Wayne. Nice to see you again in more pleasant circumstances” Wilson purred with a smirk on his face, not looking very remorseful. Bruce immediately noticed that Wilson’s hand was on Dick’s ass, and he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be moving from there anytime soon.

Dick, who was still pressed against the wall, gave him a cheery smile. “Hey Bruce!” he chirped, looking totally at ease despite caught passionately making out with his _lover_ by his father. His grin turned into a small frown after a few seconds. “You know, you’re acting pretty calm considering who I’m with,” Dick questioned, looking confused. Wilson also looked faintly puzzled, giving him a curious look.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Please Dick, _everyone_ knows about the love-hate relationship you two have. You’d have to be blind not to notice.”

Wilson snorted, his eye gleaming in faint amusement. He lightly brushed his fingers through Dick’s hair, who leaned into the touch subconsciously, a faint smile curling his lips.

Bruce sighed ever so slightly. Once again, he’d be a hypocrite for telling off Dick for being with a villain. At least a mercenary is better than an eco-terrorist, he dryly thought.

The only thing that concerned him about this relationship was the age difference, although it was a hell of a lot better than the one between Tim and Ra’s. He was pretty sure Wilson was somewhere between 70-90 years old, and last time he checked Dick was in his early to mid-20s. His only worry was _when_ they had started having sex.

As if sensing his concern, Wilson let out an irritated noise, an offended look on his face. “ _Relax,_ Wayne. I didn’t _touch_ your golden boy until he was of proper age. I may be many things, but I’m not a pedophile.”

Dick giggled, a dreamy look on his face. “I won’t be forgetting my 21st birthday anytime soon, that’s for certain.”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly at the information. So, they’ve been, to put it crudely, _fucking_ , presumably on and off for the past several years. He assumed they were having hate sex, instead of beating the shit out of each other. It _was_ a pretty effective method, he knew that from experience with Catwoman.

Wilson smirked, biting down on Dick’s neck hard. “Slade!” Dick moaned, throwing his head back in pleasure.

“Merely my way of making up for the lack of birthday presents over the years, Little Bird,” Wilson growled lowly, a possessive gleam in his eye. Bruce had to force back an exasperated noise at the display.

He rolled his eyes when they started making out again. He cleared his throat once again and mentally considered finding a throat drop or two, considering he was probably going to be doing that a lot over the course of the night. Dick and Wilson stopped what they were doing, although neither of them looked too guilty.  

“Why don’t we head to the living room, where you can continue your _activities_ in there” he tiredly suggested. He turned around to go back to the living room, and after a few seconds, two pairs of footsteps followed him.

He collapsed into the armchair and buried his head in his hands. God, by the time this was over he was going to need to have a drink.

He tiredly watched as Wilson and Dick made their way into the living room. Immediately, he noticed that Dick was walking with a faint limp, which at this point wasn’t surprising. Wilson sat down on the couch and pulled Dick onto his lap before they started making out again.

“You know, you’re taking Dick’s date a lot better than Tim’s” Selina whispered in his ear.

Bruce let out a sigh, although his lips were twitching. “Trust me, I’ve had years to come to terms with the fact that Wilson and Dick would eventually find their way into a bed together.” He purposely raised his voice and was rewarded with the sound of Dick spluttering and a barely noticeable blush on Wilson’s face.

\-------

Bruce leaned back against the chair, his mind whirling. Who was Jason going to show up with? He had a bad feeling it was also going to be a villain. Well, there weren’t a lot of villains that knew their identities.

Considering Dick and Wilson, and Ra’s and Tim were enemies, perhaps it was one of Jason’s enemies. Bruce’s blood ran cold as a thought occurred to him. Oh god, please don’t tell me Jason’s dating _the Joker_ , he thought in horror. Suddenly, he felt a surge of relief at the realization that it couldn’t be the Joker since the Joker didn’t know their identities. Thank god. He would’ve _killed_ Jason if he was in a relationship with that clown.

If it wasn’t a villain, then who was it? His mind immediately went to Arsenal. He knew Arsenal and Red Hood had worked together in the past and had issues with their mentors. Plus, they both had gritter outlooks on life. Perhaps it was Roy

He was broken out of his thoughts by Alfred’s appearance by his side again. “Master Jason and his date have arrived.”

There was the faint sound of bickering in the corridor before Jason appeared with Roman Sionis. Bruce froze in surprise, he thought that Black Mask been murdered by Catwoman.

Sionis had probably faked his death, Bruce realized once he got over his shock. He was probably laying low and rebuilding his empire from the shadows. Allowing Jeremiah Arkham to be Black Mask would further convince people that he was dead since villains tended to get upset when their names were used by others.

Wait a minute, when was the last time they had heard from Arkham? Dick said he had ironically locked Jerimiah up in Arkham Asylum. He’d have to check up on him tonight after dinner.

Bruce felt a surge of horror at the realization that Sionis knew of their identities. How had that happened? Had Jason let something slip?

Ironically, Sionis and Jason seemed like a more appropriate couple. He knew Sionis was in his late 30s, which was a _much_ more appropriate age difference. Still a bit older than he would’ve preferred, but better than the ages of Slade Wilson and of Ra’s al Ghul. Both Sionis and Jason had bad tempers and violent tendencies, along with preferences for guns and a willingness to kill.

If he had to hazard a guess, this had probably started shortly after Jason came back to Gotham and started making a nuisance of himself to Sionis. They probably had started having hate sex, a good way to reduce the urge to kill each other.

Bruce rose out of the armchair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sionis,” he got out.

This broke Jason and Sionis out of their argument, and Sionis turned to face him, a grin on his deformed face. “Brucie,” he said pleasantly.

“I thought Selina had killed you,” Bruce probed.

“And I thought Darkseid killed you. But we’re both here right now. Life is just _full_ of surprises, isn’t it?” Sionis looked amused.

“How do you know our identities?” Bruce wary asked, shooting Jason a warning look.

Sionis threw back his head and laughed. “Come on, Brucie. One doesn’t manage to become the former ‘Undisputed Ruler of the Entire Gotham Underworld’ by being stupid. I’m surprised more people haven’t figured out your identity. However, I’ll give you credit, you’ve covered your tracks exceptionally well.”

“How?” Bruce gritted out dangerously.

Sionis smirked, clearly enjoying this. “I’ve known Jason’s identity for a while, and once you have one piece of the puzzle, the others quickly fall into place.”

Bruce let out a long sigh. He was going to have to lecture Jason on the importance of keeping their identities a secret, even though it was probably a complete accident.

“No questions about how I’m alive after your _lover_ killed me?” Sionis taunted, his eyes gleaming.

Bruce glanced over at Selina, who looked pissed off at the sight of Sionis. He briefly debated with himself as to whether he should ask before his curiosity overtook him. “Fine. How?”

“I actually died. Not sure of the exact details, but after that whole ‘resurrected from the dead’ thing, I somehow got my body back. Kind of disappointed that...well...” Sionis gestured to his face “but I’m not complaining if it means that I’m alive.”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. This was bad if one of the more sadistic villains had managed to come back from the dead. Hopefully, none of the other dead villains had managed to do the same.

Sionis startled ever so slightly, before pulling out his phone and glancing at it. Whatever news he had gotten was obviously good, since he sent a smug look at Jason. “Well Baby, it looks like Daddy’s got your new place all set up.”

Bruce’s eyes went wide at the mention of ‘Daddy’. Oh god, please don’t tell me Jason has a daddy kink, he thought in horror. He knew damn well Jason had father figure issues, which was pretty much his fault, but they were working on making things better between them.

He blanched at the idea that Sionis was Jason’s sugar daddy. It did make sense though. He _had_ noticed some of Jason’s possessions were very expensive items that he wouldn’t have been able to buy with his lack of a job. Plus, Sionis was about double Jason’s age, although not as old as a ‘traditional’ sugar daddy.

Jason’s jaw dropped, before a look of frustration curled his face. “I’ve _told_ you, my current place is fine.”

Sionis snorted in amusement, and this was obviously a frequent argument. “Come on, Baby. It reflects poorly on Daddy if his _heir_ is living in that shithole of a place you call an apartment.”

Bruce froze once again at the word ‘heir’. Apparently, this was news to every one, since Dick and Wilson stopped their make-out session, while Tim and Ra’s halted their conversation. “Heir?” Bruce warily asked with a surge of dread at the implications.

Sionis’ grin widened. “You never told any of them, Baby?”

“I figured I’d burn that bridge when I got to it,” Jason looked resigned.

Sionis lightly ruffled Jason’s hair, who let out a faint protest but leaned into the touch. “Made the kid my legal heir shortly before I died. He’s the only one I could trust not to completely dismantle my empire if something happened to me, and I was right.”

Bruce was surprised to hear that. Obviously, this ‘thing’ between them had been going on for a long time, if Sionis had that level of trust in Jason. Granted, he probably couldn’t trust any of his men with his empire, so this made it even more interesting.

“Aww, you’re so sweet on me Daddy.” Jason had a mocking tone to his voice, but it was obvious that he was touched to hear Sionis say that.

Sionis chuckled, looking amused. “Your entire wardrobe’s been replaced since it’s gotten a bit ratty since Daddy’s died.”

“How many times do I _have_ to tell you? You _have_ to stop wasting so much money on me! Don’t you have better things to spend it on?” Jason looked even more irritated now, and Bruce knew why. Jason didn’t like having excessive amounts of money spent on him, he felt it was unnecessary and wasteful. It was a direct result of his poor upbringing, same thing with Dick.

A faint gleam of something, almost fondness, was in Sionis’ eyes. “But you’re _worth_ it, Baby.”

Jason scowled, blushing furiously as he stared at the ground. It was obvious that he was embarrassed for everyone to hear that.

Alfred let out a small cough, causing everyone to pay attention to him. “Shall we start dinner, Master Bruce?” he enquired.

“Yes please,” Bruce said immediately, wanting to get this night over with as soon as possible. Jason looked utterly relieved at the attention being taken away from him.

Wilson, Sionis, and Ra’s chuckled knowingly before everyone made their way to the dining room. Bruce just hoped things wouldn’t go _too_ badly.

\-------

Once they sat down at the table and everything was served, Tim lightly clanged a spoon on the side of his cup. Once everyone was paying attention to him, he smirked. “Dick, Jason, may I propose a toast?”

The three of them clinked their glasses together, wide grins on their faces. “To us being the disappointments of the family!” they exclaimed together.

Bruce groaned, Ra’s and Sionis chuckled, and Wilson snorted at that.

After that, they all tucked into the delicious meal Alfred had made.

Dinner was _actually_ going really well, Bruce thought in relief a bit later. Everyone was mainly sticking to light small talk, being careful not to discuss their nighttime professions for fear of arguments. He felt like he was in a Twilight Zone episode; having dinner with some of his worse enemies, who were dating his sons.

He was trying his best to be polite to Ra’s, Sionis, and Wilson, which Bruce thought he deserved a trophy for. It was difficult though, considering they were enemies, and they wouldn’t be able to erase years of hostilities in one night. Since they were dating his sons, he was most likely going to have to get used to seeing them quite a bit, or at least hearing about them.

At least his one consolation was that he wasn’t the only one having troubles. Wilson was irritable towards Jason and Tim, who both were irritable in return; since Wilson’s opinion that they were ‘Fake Robins’ who could never be as good as the original was well known. Ra’s was naturally cordial to everyone, and everyone was warily cordial back; it wasn’t a good idea to be rude to the Demon’s Head. Sionis was pretty pleasant towards everyone, although Dick, Tim, and Selina were rather cold towards him; due to what Sionis had done to Stephanie and Selina.

Bruce felt a surge of utter gratefulness that Damian had begged off of coming to dinner. Damian probably would’ve attacked Wilson for having his hands all over ‘his Grayson’. It was rather adorable how protective Damian had become of Dick, _not_ that he was stupid enough to say that out loud. He also wasn’t sure how Damian would’ve reacted to seeing his grandfather with Tim, and he wasn’t in the mood to find out until absolutely necessary. 

How much did Damian know? Did the boys tell him exactly why he shouldn’t attend dinner tonight, or did they just tell him not to come?

Bruce let out an inaudible sigh. After his son’s dates left for the night, he needed to have a very serious conversation with the three of them about the dangers of dating villains. Just because they were in a relationship, didn’t mean Wilson, Sionis, and Ra’s could have a pass the next time they committed a crime.

Bruce startled ever so slightly when Dick suddenly let out a small cough, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “Daddy, could you please pass the salt?”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He could definitely see it between Sionis and Jason, but _not_ between Wilson and Dick. Wilson was a _father_ for god’s sake, he most likely was not going to enjoy having his lover reminding him of that fact. _Especially_ when his lover was older _and_ younger than his children. “Really, Dick?”

Dick pouted, which told him he was accurate in his deduction. “Aww, come on Bruce. I thought you would fall for it.”

Wilson just chuckled in amusement, although there was a faint gleam of something in his eye. Dick and Wilson exchanged a look between them that Bruce felt a surge of unease at. Well, it looked like his prediction of Wilson not enjoying being called Daddy was horrifically incorrect.

Eventually, they finished with dinner, and things started winding down. Suddenly, Tim lightly tapped his spoon against his glass. “Attention. We have an announcement to make.”

Bruce felt a surge of pure dread. What was next? Marriage? Pregnancy? No, the last one couldn’t happen, they were all male. But Ra’s probably had access to magic that could allow it to happen... no, he needed to stop thinking about that topic. He didn’t need to mentally scar himself any more than he already was.

He watched nervously as his three children and their dates exchanged grins, before Dick, Jason, and Tim shouted in unison “April Fools!”

Bruce froze, his mind going blank as he processed what they had said. Slowly, he felt utter relief well up to him. _Thank fucking god_. “Who?” he growled lowly.

“Wally,” Dick said.

“Conner,” Tim said.

“Roy,” Jason said.

Bruce closed his eyes in sheer frustration, burying his head in his hands. He didn’t trust himself to be able to say anything without exploding in anger. God damn it. He should’ve _known_ they would’ve done something like this. Selina and Alfred had to be in it also, judging by the way they had been hiding smiles all throughout the day.

 _Why_ did his children have to be so _difficult_?

In order to calm himself down, Bruce started doing some breathing exercises. He also mentally counted from 1 to 10 first in English, then in Spanish, and lastly in French. Once he had finished, he felt like he was finally calm enough to say something.

“I think I’m going to call Lucius Fox tomorrow, see if there’s anything I can do to disinherit all three of you and make Damian my sole heir. He’s a _nice child_ that doesn’t try to give his father a heart attack by pulling stunts like this.” He finally opened his eyes, to see everyone had grins or smirks on their faces.

“Wow...Damian’s considered the _good child_. That’s a first.” Tim snickered at the chuckle that came from Ra’s.

Jason’s grin widened as he pulled out his phone. “I’m going to check the weather to see if hell has frozen over.”

“I can’t believe this day has finally come.” Dick pretended to wipe away a tear, looking proud.

Bruce let out a low growl in the back of his throat. He knew that later on he’d look back and laugh at this, but right now he was too upset.

Well, at least he didn’t have to be polite to his guests anymore. “Wilson. Ra’s. Sionis. Leave. Now.” Bruce ground out, his voice slipping into Batman’s low growl.

Wilson stood up, effortlessly grabbing Dick and slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, resting his hand on Dick’s ass. Dick let out a startled noise but didn’t make any efforts to get down. “Alright then. We’ll see you later” Wilson purred out, his eyes gleaming.

Bruce’s eyes narrowed dangerously as he also stood up. “Dick’s staying here,” he snapped out.

Wilson’s smirk widened in utter delight. “Oh, but he has to complete our contract.”

“What contract?” Bruce felt a surge of dread. Please don’t tell me Dick agreed to have sex with Wilson.

“We had sex at his place before dinner, and now we’re going to have sex at my place after dinner” Dick twisted around to face them, sounding excited.

Bruce froze in horror. “But Wally?”

“Wally’s fine with it,” Dick said nonchalantly.

How the hell could Wally be alright with his boyfriend having sex with someone else, even if it’s just for a prank? To his surprise, Jason spoke up. “Relax. Every single one of Dick’s past boy/girlfriends, myself and Tim included, came to terms long ago with the fact that one day Dick would find his way into a bed with Slade. Besides, whoever is dating Dick at the time the betting pool ends, gets a ¼ of the profits.”

Bruce wasn’t sure which one to be more shocked about, that Dick had fucked his ‘brothers’, or about this betting pool. “What betting pool?”

“There’s been a betting pool going on for years on when and how Slade and Dick would hook up.” Tim’s grin widened in amusement.

“Almost every single Titan has placed a bet, and even some of the Justice League members are in on it. There’s some serious money on the line. The biggest bet is _thousands_ of dollars.” Jason added in.

Bruce’s jaw nearly dropped in shock. Then again, he shouldn’t have been surprised. If there was one thing he’d discovered, it was that heroes liked making bets almost as much as delivering justice. A fun pastime and a way to destress after difficult days.

His mind latched onto one specific detail. “Wait, this is the first time that you guys have done anything?”

Both Wilson and Dick sighed, looking tired. “Bruce, this is wrong on so many levels,” Dick said softly.

Slade ran a hand through his hair, looking exhausted. “We’ve avoided doing anything over the years because that meant we would have to acknowledge that the attraction between us existed. We didn’t even kiss before this whole prank.”

Bruce felt relieved at the idea that they had purposefully avoided having sex with each other. “Why now?”

The two of them exchanged glances. “Eventually, we were going to have to do something, it was only a matter of time. I guess doing it like this gave us some kind of control over the whole situation.” Dick reluctantly admitted.

Bruce easily accepted that explanation. They probably wanted to try to do this on their own terms, instead of it happening in an undesirable situation. Tensions were most likely at an all-time high between them after the whole ‘controlling Damian’s body incident’ and Dick’s retaliation. Probably most of the sex they’d had before the dinner was angry hate sex.

Wilson leered at them, before turning around to leave. “Well, now that that’s all done, it’s time for us to go. I was going to suggest the upstairs bedroom, but I don’t think you would allow that. Don’t bother following us, unless you want to see a show.”

Bruce glared at Wilson. Damn right they wouldn’t be having sex in Dick’s manor bedroom.

“Dick, your ass better be in Titans Tower on Monday morning at 10 o’clock sharp. We all need to know who won the bet.” Jason called out.

Dick grinned at them from his position of being slung over Wilson’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll be hearing _all_ the juicy details,” he yelled out before they left the dining room.

Bruce grimaced, making a mental note to stay as far away as possible from Titans Tower on Monday.

Ra’s let out an amused noise as he got to his feet. “Well Detective, it’s been lovely seeing you again. However, I’m afraid Timothy and I must take our leave.”

Bruce felt a surge of wariness well up in him. “Don’t tell me...”

“Oh yes.” Ra’s grin widened victoriously as he pulled out Tim’s chair for him and helped him to his feet.

“What about Conner?” Bruce asked in a last-ditch effort.

Tim had a faintly sheepish look on his face. “It’s just going to be one night, so Conner doesn’t mind.”

Bruce had to fight back a groan as he massaged his temples. He could understand Dick making a deal like this with Wilson, but Tim? Then again, this was probably the only thing Ra’s would agree to in order to do this.

“Don’t worry, I’ll drop Timothy off at Titans Tower on Monday morning at 10 o’clock sharp.” Ra’s said smoothly, his eyes gleaming.

Bruce gritted his teeth in frustration, knowing that Ra’s left no room for arguments. He watched tiredly as Ra’s escorted Tim out of the room.

“Well Sweetheart, Daddy’s heard that the best way to break in a new place is by having lots of sex in it.” Sionis drawled out, looking amused as he got to his feet. He held out a hand to help Jason to his feet.

Jason snorted but took the offered hand anyways. “Well, we wouldn’t want to flout tradition, now do we, Daddy?”

Bruce felt a surge of tiredness at this whole Daddy routine. He could definitely tell that this was genuine, and not a game. “What about Roy?”

Jason shrugged ever so slightly. “Unlike the other two, Daddy’s an ex, so it’s ok with Roy.”

Bruce wasn’t sure whether to be surprised at that or not. There was just a spark to them that the others were somewhat missing. “When?”

“Shortly after I came back to Gotham. The hate sex prevented us from killing each other.” Jason said dismissively. So, he had been right about that part.

Sionis threw an arm around Jason’s shoulders and whispered something in his ear that made Jason blush ever so slightly. They walked out of the room, seeming to start bickering again.

Once they were gone, Selina chuckled in amusement. “Come on Bruce, you have to admit they got you pretty good.”

“Alright, so they did” Bruce grumbled. Now that everyone was gone, he needed to do a thorough check to ensure Wilson, Sionis, or Ra’s didn’t leave any bugs.

“So, what were you thinking right before Alfred announced that Jason and Sionis arrived? You had the most horrified look on your face.” Selina looked really curious.

Bruce couldn’t help but blush ever so slightly. “Well, since Tim and Dick were ‘dating’ enemies, I assumed Jason would be following suit. Since the only person that I could think of Jason being enemies with who was still alive is the Joker...”

Selina burst into hysterical laughter, easily seeing his thought process. After a few, she managed to calm down ever so slightly. “Oh my god” she wheezed.

Bruce scowled at her in embarrassment. “It was a reasonable assumption,” he said defensively.

Selina snickered, wiping her eyes. “Well, you seem pretty tense. I’m sure I could _help_ with that,” she lightly trailed a hand down his chest.

“I’m sure you could.” Bruce leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss.

“How about while they’re getting busy with their _beaus_ , we do the same?” Selina purred out seductively once they broke apart.

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all night.” Bruce ignored the amused look on Alfred’s face. He’d have to think up of a punishment for the three of them later, perhaps extra training or patrol. But not now, he was going to be _busy_. As Selina led him to his bedroom, a fond smile curled his face. It was good to be back.

**Author's Note:**

> I know there isn't much written about the actual dinner. However, I wanted the main focus was to be on Bruce's thoughts and observations. 
> 
> I hope nobody here is too OOC, especially Bruce. I think I captured him pretty well, but it's so hard to get up into his head, you know?


End file.
